Posted by: jamesotis | May 13, 2008

Lifeguard truth #35

  One of my fellow head guards advised her little sister that a lifeguard uniform attracts old men. And yes ET, you are right.

  Yesterday I went for a walk on my local greenbelt dressed for running (why, since my lungs won’t let me run?). Anyway, the upshot was that me, dressed in running shorts & an out-of-date lifeguard tank, fell into conversation (hey, it was re: soccer) with a seemingly harmless retired dog walker & got asked out to a pro lacrosse game & given his number. On no less than a business card for exotic pet photos @ ur place or his.

  I smiled politely & thought of all the unacknowledged greetings & smiles I had given on that walk. Marge, is there a place near you for rent?

  Kudos to the old gent for being very polite, friendly & bold. I still turned him down.

  This does raise a point however. The last time that my uniform caused unwanted solicitations a friend @ work mentioned that it would help me to understand how women felt when I hit on them. And it does. Yet issues of gender and preference aside, I have to come back to the directivity of his approach. If I had used a similar approach to a female I would have risked a phone call to the police, politeness aside. But I must ask why? And why, were it not for several years worth of knowing several pleasant homosexuals, would I have not done the same thing?

  Is boldness a lost art in the USA? My int’l friends, male & female, gay & straight, have no such inhibitions in giving compliments or in reaching for what they like & want. Indeed the inane dance we do here is seen by them as a sign of weakness & hesitancy. They also respect interpersonal boundaries, even if such are not shared or mutual, but only if expressed.

  In short, are we all a bunch of perverted fuckups who think that healthy people are to be mistrusted? Or perhaps codependent cowards who think that all peeps should be mind readers or at the least adherents to a labyrinthine and unspoken code, that which must not be spoken or violated. If so, we as a society have outdone my judaic ancestors for social disfunctional complexity.

My thanks to Frank, who will never read this, for inspiring these thoughts. Were he straight I’d offer to set him up with my coworker, The Stick, a Pole of infinite sarcasm, care & utter lack of caution.



  1. I’m going to rename my blog “Social Dysfunctional Complexity”.

    Pet photos? Clever, but creepy.

    Remind me to get you some undeniably manly shirts to replace your wifebeater old uniform shirts.

  2. You’ve been talking to Grover again. Just you w8 until I get a kilt!

    For the uneducated, there is a distinct difference between a “wifebeater,” a thin strapped, ribbed undershirt, and a tank top noted by wider straps and looser fit. The latter is commonly worn in warm or high exertion environments whether work or sport.
    As a side note, women only got the tank top because their tank driver men came home from WW1+2. As long as there aren’t boob tucks, it’s good for blokes.

  3. Admiralty says : I absolutely agree with this !

  4. Somehow i missed the point. Probably lost in translation 🙂 Anyway … nice blog to visit.

    cheers, Midnight.

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