Posted by: jamesotis | August 19, 2008

Your body, and other alien species

  I just finished reading Mr. Lady‘s  recent blog and links. And the ambulance delivery truck bringing my supplementary oxygen, water and Excedrin has finally pulled away. Mr. Lady now comes with not only a parental advisory warning cautionary advice from the Surgeon General. In case of convulsions remove patient from all sharp objects and in case of respiratory arrest begin rescue breathing. Resulting hypoxia may cause headache.

  Seriously though. Who started the hair-is-of-the-devil rumor? For the chickies afraid of having “man legs” I have some news: you already do. Ever since you started shaving those prepubescent baldies you only drove their native people to become stronger. Just ask almost any preteen boy, it’s why they truly start shaving.

  And another thing: Isn’t hair growth a sign of maturity (think as opposed to those mouthy, ignorant and irrational 6th graders)? Since when did we cast off celebrations of our coming of age for desperate and pathetic attempts to look prepubescent? News to ya, everybody’s different. Your Ford parts will not fit my Jeep. If you want to look like someone else I suggest joining Witness Protection. If you want your friends/family/lover/community to accept you I suggest therapy for you/them or replacement’s all around. ‘Cept u. U want to be a painter’s canvas, a piece of impressionist art? Go for it. Just understand why you want what you want and be healthy in mind and body for Bob’s sake.

  Some of my greatest lessons in life came from the disabled and/or homosexual friends I know. LIve out, loud and proud, every body’s different and above all be a decent person.

  Ur attracted 2 something different? Go 4 it my friend. There are networking sites for nearly anything your heart, mind or other anatomy may desire. Be happy in your work and may your happiness be functional. Want 2b considered attractive? The news, good or bad: many people probably already do or at least accept you, someone probably idolizes you and all that you can change is your confidence. Yep, I said it. S/he who hesitates is lost devalued. As for the ugly? Just remember that all the alteration in the world will ultimately let you down. Debate rages as to the S.A.G. Awards being named for the Screen Actors Guild or for Joan River’s silicone suprises.

  Hair isn’t male, nor is it unhygenic or unpleasant. Just ask the Incans, Mayans and Asians. Fat isn’t unhealthy or the bane of beauty. Remember the old joke about why Bil Clinton crys so much? Makeup n a cork (you don’t wanna know where) only go so far. That Anglican honker you inherited from Uncle Frank is a part of you and if the people you care about can’t/won’t accept you, fuck ’em. Or not as the case may be. Just whatever you do don’t ask about your mom and Uncle Frank.


‘Nuf said, everybody indoors.


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